Holiday bag packed with copy of Farming Life and packets of monster munch

Julian's View • Published 26 Jan 2012 09:30 Comments 1 Comment

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I have never been much of a traveller. I am what you may consider a home bird. As a child I hated long journeys in the car, I am still not keen on travelling long distance. If I am driving I don't find it too bad, however if I am on a bus or something, I just find it intolerable. I was never a fan of holidays as a child, and I think I brought this with me into adulthood. I managed not to have to go on holidays until 2008, when Leanne gave me the dreaded news that she had booked a holiday to Salou that summer, and I didn't have a choice, I was going.

Leanne gave me this news around January 2008, the holiday was in June so I had plenty of time to book off and I really had no excuse. The months flew in and it was time for us to go. We made our way to Belfast International Airport. Leanne had brought a huge suitcase; you could have literally put two fully grown adults inside. I brought a small suitcase; inside was a few bits of clothes, a toothbrush, a copy of the farming life and a few packets of monster munch crisps. Leanne had decided to go to the airport four hours early and the flight was two hours delayed, so for six hours I was like a bear with a sore head. Eventually when we got on the plane it dawned on me that this was it, I was going to Spain! I was delighted our seats were at the back of the plane; I had remembered something that Willie Thornton had said when he was going to London, "Sure you never heard tell of a plane reversing into a mountain yet". So we took off and we were safely on our way. Half way during the flight the pilot came down to wish a small girl happy birthday, now I have to say this concerned me. Here I am a first time flyer and the pilot leaves the cockpit and comes down towards the back of the plane. I remember thinking well if the pilots down here, then who's flying this machine? I mean if a bus driver decided to walk down to the back of the bus when it was still moving people would start asking questions. Anyway I have to say I had a bad flight, after all I had been up all night waiting on the plane, then after take-off my ears started to pop and I couldn't sleep because I was sitting beside a women and a baby who did nothing but cry for the entire duration of the flight.

Once we arrived in Spain and departed the plane, I decided to kiss the ground like the Pope. Leanne shouted at me "get up and stop messing around". We had arrived at Barcelona Airport. It was absolutely huge. We went to baggage collection to get our luggage, when my suitcase arrived I checked inside to find that my monster munch crisps had burst all over my clothes. I was unsure if I would like the Spanish food or not, this is why I brought the monster munch in the first place. I had to empty them all out into a bin. The next thing we had to do was meet a man called Ricardo, who would bring us and a few other guests on a bus to Salou. Ricardo was standing with a big sign which had our names on it; he was a short fat man with a moustache. The bus was like something you would see in wartime Baghdad, it was at least 25 years old, and it had likely never been cleaned. To the best of my knowledge it had bullet holes up the side. Ricardo didn't speak any English therefore the possibility of having a chat with him on the bus was very low. I was nervous just sitting on the bus; I became even more nervous when I heard it start. It sounded very rattly and if I remember correctly, the exhaust was trailing along the ground. I had forgotten at this stage that in Spain they drive on the right hand side of the road, as Ricardo pulled out onto the main road I nearly had kittens.

The journey to Salou took a further two hours, Ricardo drove like an absolute maniac, he ignored traffic signs, speed limits and just safety measures in general. By this stage I felt dreadfully sick, I had been awake for about 26 hours, my ears still hadn't popped from the flight, I was starving and had no crisps, the heat was unbearable and this antiquated bus had no air conditioning. Upon arriving in Salou, Ricardo drove around dropping everyone else off at their hotels and apartments. As I had predicted he dropped us off last, even though he had driven past our apartments several times. Just our luck.

So far my "holiday" had been nothing but stress, however we soon got settled into our apartment and for the next seven days we actually really enjoyed ourselves. In hindsight the holiday was good for me; it broadened my outlook on things. We even made friends with a German couple in the apartment next door, Jonas and Sophie. I have to be honest and say I felt a bit like Basil Fawlty, Jonas and Sophie were lovely people however every time I was near them I kept thinking "Don't mention the war", I even remember saying to Leanne "Don't mention the war, I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it".

I had imagined that all the restaurants would only do food that I wasn't familiar with, however this wasn't the case at all. I enjoyed a good steak most nights topped off with some chips and red sauce. It turns out I didn't need my monster munch after all. The holiday had been a success.

As for the journey home it was as bad as getting there. We feared for our lives as Ricardo drove us back to the airport. This time he ran over a cat and killed it. He passed absolutely no remarks, I expect he does that regularly. The flight home was equally horrendous; however we made it back in one piece. That was in 2008, since then I've been to several other foreign destinations, Lanzarote and Tenerife to name a few. Like Salou the travelling there and back has been unpleasant, yet the holidays themselves have been great, and I've always had my better half to keep me right.

As for actually living away from home, I have to be honest and say I'm just content here in Fermanagh. Some people love the sun and would give anything to live on some tropical Island, for others they love the buzz of life, for them to live in a big city like London or New York is perfect, as for me the green fields and blue waters of Lough Erne are good enough.

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SaintPatrick
5 posts
Jan 31, 16:42
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Julian has progressed well over the term and he is now able to write fully formed sentences. His vocabulary is improving and he is learning to use simple idioms to add some lightness to his prose. Julian is to be admired for his determination to focus his topics exclusively on the more prosaic aspects of his own character in the face of an almost narcoleptic response from the reader. A solid 4 out of 10.

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