Who says romance is dead

Julian's View • Published 9 Feb 2012 09:00 0 Comments

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So as we approach Valentine's Day, I hope you have all bought a gift or two for the one you love. If not don't panic, you have a few more days to get sorted out. I will be honest and admit I forgot last year, I didn't remember a thing about it until that night when Leanne gave me a card. I said "hang on a minute, I'll get yours" I ran into my dad's office and raided the cupboard; all I could find were a few blank Christmas cards. I found one with a nice robin on the front, so I wrote Happy Valentine's Day on the inside and thought to myself this will do nicely. I gave Leanne the card, and upon opening it she said: "Why is there is a robin on the front? This is clearly a Christmas card and you have just written Happy Valentine's Day on the inside, in fact the ink is still wet, you have just written this now haven't you?" So indeed I had to admit I forgot. Leanne was fine about it though, if nothing else she thought the card was cute, she went home and put it on the mantelpiece. Later that evening her sister arrived home with a card from her boyfriend, it was huge and expensive looking, and of course she went and set it beside the card I gave to Leanne. The picture explains it all.

I have never been much good at the old romantic stuff, to be honest not many Fermanagh men are. I remember back when I was 17 and had just passed my driving test. My mate Alan asked me could I give him and his date a lift to the school formal, I said no problem. I was driving a silver ford Ka at the time, and I don't think Alan had really thought this through. Alan wanted to be as romantic as possible, we would drive to this girl's home, he would give her mum chocolates, and give herself a rose. Then he would open the door of my car, she would get in and I would drive them to the formal. Unfortunately things didn't really go to plan. I had been working out on the farm that day and to be honest I was caked in dirt. When Alan gave me a call to go and collect him I had no time to change, I just had to go on the way I was. As usual when I was leaving the house the dog (who was also covered in dirt) decided to hop into the car as well. I remember thinking I can't really bring the dog, so as I was lifting him out of the car he just looked at me with his big sad face, I couldn't do it, and I gave in and let him come. As I picked Alan up, I think he realised the mistake he had made asking me to give him a lift, here I was in the ford Ka, caked in dirt, with a Springer spaniel in the back seat. It was too late for him to find another lift, he had go with me and that was that.

We arrived at Alan's date's house. He warned me not to come inside because I smelled of farm. At this stage Alan realised he had made an error, upon getting into my car he put the chocolates and the rose in the backseat beside the dog. As we made our way to Alan's date's house, we could hear the dog tearing at something, but we passed no remarks as we assumed it was an old newspaper or magazine. Unfortunately it was the rose that Alan was supposed to give his date. The chocolates were fine; the rose on the other hand was not good. The box that covered the rose was mangled.

Alan went inside the house with his chocolates and distorted rose. I am not sure how he explained what happened to the rose, but at least the chocolates were ok. As Alan and his date arrived out to the car, he opened the passenger door (remember this was a ford Ka therefore it was only a 3 door) he had to collapse the passenger seat in order for his his date to climb into the back seat beside the dog, Alan then had to adjust the passenger seat and sit down beside me up front. As we arrived at the hotel that was hosting the formal, it was like Alan's worst nightmare; others were pulling up in limousines and flashy cars, and making very spectacular entrances. Here was I pulling up in my silver ford ka, with Alan beside me in the front seat, a Springer Spaniel and a girl in a dress in the back seat, certainly not the classiest of entrances.

So they made their way inside, Alan said "keep your phone on, I'll give you a text when I want you to lift us again", I said "that's fine" and on home I went. That night when I came back to collect "the happy couple", I'm afraid Alan was on his own, his date had went elsewhere, and the evening hadn't been much of a success, in romantic terms anyway.

Valentine's Day and Christmas day are the two most common days for people to get engaged. To any man who finds himself in this situation, I say remember these important words, in every marriage there are three rings, first comes the engagement ring, then comes the wedding ring, and finally there is the suffering... Of course I'm only joking.

So in conclusion I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day, and to those of you who are all alone at this time and looking for love, why not place an 'ad' in the paper next week? I know a man inserted an 'ad' in the paper once, it said 'Wife wanted'. The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine'.

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