by Denzil McDaniel 

Urgent requests for help from women in danger through domestic violence appear to be at an all-time high in Fermanagh; but as much as the numbers are increasing, the nature of the abuse is becoming ever more sinister.
Figures of Fermanagh Women’s Aid’s (FWA) caseload show that the west has the highest incidence in Northern Ireland of domestic violence. 
The vast majority of cases of abuse are by men. The trend is that the majority are by men who control their partners and according to Michelle Alonso, FWA training co-ordinator, every year in this area hundreds of women are “going through absolute hell on a daily basis.”
While the public perception of domestic violence is physical abuse, which still goes on, Michelle points out: “In the majority of cases it’s coercive control. It’s subtle, it’s mind games, it’s manipulation.”
“Emotional abuse is the key, it wasn’t physical, it wasn’t sexual,” she explains.
And in addition, more and more sections of society are affected with women from the professional classes, police officers, solicitors, doctors, nurses, many women with degrees working in careers and so on.
To deal with this increasing threat to women, and the more subtle and controlling nature of it, Fermanagh Women’s Aid has taken a lead in training many agencies, including the police and first responders to not only watch for signs, but to be knowledgeable in dealing with situations where abusive partners disguise their control.
To raise awareness further, Michelle Alonso has organised a major conference to be held in Fermanagh early in April with a full day of speakers including various experts and those who deal directly with the issue. 
Contributors include Fermanagh Women’s Aid themselves, Men’s Action Network which helps male victims, the PSNI, the Judiciary, the Department of Justice and the Western Health and Social Care Trust.
Conference attendance places are filled, with a waiting list compiled, such is the interest from many sources in finding out about the changing trends in domestic violence.
Keynote speakers include members of two families tragically bereaved by men who killed partners and children in a monstrous final act of control.
Many people here will recall the horror of the deaths in County Cavan in 2016 of Clodagh Hawe and her three sons, Liam, Niall and Ryan at the hands of her husband and the boys’ father, Alan Hawe who then took his own life. Some of the press coverage afterwards was sympathetic to Hawe. Many aspects of the way things were handled were disturbing, and the Gardai have now started a serious case review.
Clodagh’s mother and sister, Mary Coll and Jacqueline Connolly will be addressing the conference.
Also addressing the April conference will be two English brothers, Luke and Ryan Hart whose father, Lance Hart shot dead his wife, daughter and then himself two years ago. The brothers have previously spoken about press reports being sympathetic to their father, some neighbours quoted as calling him a “nice guy” and speculating that he was driven to kill by the prospect of divorce.
But the brothers recall a lifetime of emotional abuse on the family, where their father would guilt trip his wife for weeks for spending £3 on a coffee, with a life of all of them being controlled by such things as constant slamming of doors and screaming at them.
It is this increasing level of behaviour behind closed doors, called coercive control, which is being highlighted at the conference.
“Coercive control is abuse without the physical. It is the least understood, but the most prevalent,” explains Michelle. “You won’t have any other abuse happening without the emotional coercive control behind it.”
“It’s what often keeps the woman in the relationship, the partner has complete control over her thinking, feelings and behaviour,” she explains. “He’ll control her every day, even if she’s out at work she’ll be walking around 24/7 with the perpetrator in her head.
“She may not even go to the shop to buy something without thinking will he like it, am I spending too much money, and the woman will be safety planning such as making sure the children are put to bed early in case they set him off.”
Michelle explains that in many cases people don’t know where to turn, and Fermanagh Women’s Aid is now educating people about the impact coercive control is having on women. 
FWA has piloted a scheme to train police officers on the domestic violence. 
Many officers are embracing the concept in order to deal with calls to homes. Training is also being undertaken for health professionals but there is still a greater need for awareness in many other places as well as society at large, including teachers and even hairdressers who can often pick up on the signs.
“Officers and other first responders are realising that this is not ‘just another domestic’ and they are better understanding the fear and control that women are under,” explains Michelle.
She points out that, on average, a woman can be assaulted 35 times before making a call for help.
She says: “You need to understand what’s happened prior to that call. It escalates over time and many women ask themselves how did I ever end up in Women’s Aid?”
“The police (who have undergone training) get this now,” adds Michelle.
Women can often end up second-guessing themselves. They start to wonder if they made him angry, or make excuses for him that he may have had too much to drink and had a bad day at work. So a lot of intense work goes on by Women’s Aid. 
Indeed, the two cases of the Hawe and Hart families which the conference will hear about are cases where there was no evidence of physical violence until the perpetrator lost control.
Loss of control can often happen when it becomes apparent that the abused women or children are leaving and that is when they are at most risk.
“Domestic violence is about power and control,” explains Michelle.
“Fermanagh needs to hear this, family and friends need to hear this,” says Michelle, speaking to The Impartial Reporter.