While driving to Belfast last Saturday morning, I listened to a radio interview with the Dublin gaelic footballer Bernard Brogan, who revealed one of the stories behind the management style of Jim Gavin.

As the Dublin team prepared for the 2019 All-Ireland final, bidding to become the first team in history to win five in a row, Gavin took his charges off to the remote Lambay Island off the Dublin coast for 48 hours to prepare for the game.

But there wasn’t a ball to be kicked, no tactics discussed. Instead, said Brogan, the players spent time in each other’s company, talking about the challenges they’d faced in their lives.

There were tears at times, but the importance of “human connections” and “relationships” was paramount.

Outside of sport, it seems that in society generally, we may have lost that sense of the value of human connection.

Already in an era where there is much loneliness and isolation, even a lack of empathy for others, the lockdowns of Covid-19 highlighted even more the importance of human relationships.

Indeed, divisions, mistrust and the misunderstandings of different communities in this country as a result of lack of connection with the “other side” are at the heart of much of our problems.

How often do the polemic soundbites reflect lives lived in the silo of our own communities, with little or no reflection of what “themuns” might be thinking?

If there’s no human connection, how can we learn about each other and learn to live with each other? Whatever the constitutional arrangements, it’s people and relationships that really matter.

The reason for my trip to Belfast on Saturday was to take part in a panel discussion at the Feile, now a major arts and community festival which includes an impressive range of talks and discussion events.

The panel I was involved in was a debate about a new book by the journalist Frank Connolly, entitled ‘United Nation: The Case for Integrating Ireland’.

As well as myself and the author, the third member of the panel was former Sinn Fein president, Gerry Adams.

Doubtless, his presence alone, plus the title of the book, will have some people immediately making up their mind to turn away from any “human connection” or discussion as to what the book says or, indeed, what was said on Saturday. More of that later.

The book itself reflects more than 60 interviews, bringing a wide range of voices into the conversation about where we are now in an evolving Ireland.

There are interesting takes on how all-island health, education, the economy and other sectors might look.

While people in Northern Ireland value their free NHS, its shortcomings cannot be ignored either, and the book also highlights major problems in the South’s health system.

Yet public health specialist Gabriel Scally argues that Ireland is a “good size for a well-structured highly-efficient health service”.

There is a comprehensive section with expert opinions on health, North and South.

I was struck by the contribution of Jarleth Burns, principal of St. Paul’s High School in Bessbrook, County Armagh, who has adopted a policy of reaching out to the Protestant and Unionist community of South Armagh, including bringing the Orange Order in to talk to his pupils.

The economist David McWilliams asserts that the standard of living in the South is better, with the North becoming more and more a public sector economy from The Troubles-hit 1970s onwards, with Northern Ireland relying on a subvention from Westminster.

Moreover, McWilliams argues that a unified economy would create an additional 35 billion Euro in GDP within eight years.

Many will disagree with the assertions on health, education and the economy, and simply retreat into the confirmation bias of counter-arguments, but these are real issues for people which are now being discussed across the board, even if privately in many cases.

As ever though, the real bone of contention is identity. While the premise of the book is how to integrate Ireland, it acknowledges that there is hostility in the Unionist community towards any suggestion of a united Ireland, but a number of interviews show some retrospection among Unionists.

Debbie Watters works closely with working-class Protestants in Loyalist areas in Belfast, including trying to improve the prospects of some younger people. Some of them are former members of the UDA and UVF.

So does Tommy Winstone, himself a former Loyalist paramilitary.

Both are critical of Sinn Fein, and Watters believes the party’s commitment to reconciliation is “purely verbal”.

Notwithstanding that, she agrees that working-class Protestant communities are more open to the debate on what a new Ireland would look like.

Both are critical of the DUP campaigning for Brexit, and Winstone says that “Brexit highlighted that identity is not about a single issue, people have had to rethink what their identity looks like”.

Glenn Bradley goes further. Bradley, who reveals that when he was 16 he “naively” joined the British Army to get military training to hit back at the IRA, later in life became an influential member of the Ulster Unionist Party.

Now a successful businessman, Bradley believes that the British Government will leave Northern Ireland at some point, and that the Protestant and Unionist people in the North are on the road to a United Ireland.

He wants the Irish government to step up to the plate and plan.

Linda Ervine, who runs Irish language classes in Loyalist areas, says: “There is a myriad of opinion within the Unionist community from the really hardline ‘We’d rather die in our own blood than get on our knees’ ... to more liberal views, and even people who are in favour of a United Ireland.”

Bradley is convinced that the ordinary people are lightyears ahead of the politicians, in that daily conversations have begun [around the possibility of a United Ireland].

While political Unionism would deny that, and there are suggestions that united Irelanders should “save their breath”, and even certain Loyalists scoff at the very idea, I agree with Bradley that conversations are going on.

That shouldn’t mean that Unionists entering the debate about constitutional change shows an acceptance that there is a pre-determined outcome.

As a Protestant friend of mine says, “engagement doesn’t mean endorsement”.

And as circumstances change all around them, it is a failure of Unionist leadership to adopt an ostrich-like position.

This debate isn’t going away. Get involved, make your case.

During the discussion on Saturday, I said it was important that people understood Protestants better and indeed understood that there are many strands of opinion in that community, from Protestant Nationalists to “never, never, never”, and that it was important to distinguish between establishment Unionism and the Protestant working class.

I also pointed out that many younger Protestants have different priorities than previous generations.

I also directly asked Gerry Adams should Republicans not be doing more to understand the Protestant community?

It is important also to remember that the conversation about change is not – or should not – be considered ‘a Sinn Fein project’.

There is a massive conversation going on about the shape of Ireland in the future, and Unionism should join it.

Many Protestants can see change all around; the east-west relationship is dominated by the possible break-up of the UK, with English Nationalism dominating.

The internal demographics in Northern Ireland have changed, and the North-South relationship is very different too; not least with the social changes in the South.

Indeed, I also referred at the Feile discussion, to a recent talk by Andy Pollak at the John Hewitt summer school in which he explored the idea that the people of the South haven’t even begun to think about what Reunification would mean to them.

There is an onus on everyone – Unionists, Northern Nationalists and Republicans, Southern society and government – to engage in shaping a better future, whatever it may be.

With all that change, in a post-Brexit period, there is much to talk about.

Would it not be better for everyone to join these conversations in a spirit of respect and openness, with human connection, rather than shouting at each other across historic barricades?