I was standing watching a local football match a while ago which seemed fairly uneventful.

Suddenly, something sparked off a confrontation between players, with tempers and voices raised. After a bit of pushing and shoving, things settled down again.

But as it came completely out of the blue, I wondered what had provoked it.

I learned later that one of the players called an opponent, who was a Protestant, “a black bastard”.

When I was discussing it with someone later, he pointed out that in another incident at a match, a Catholic player was called a “Fenian bastard”, which also led to an altercation.

I suppose, considering the nature of our historically divided society, we are set up to foster endemic sectarianism.

So we shouldn’t be surprised; but initially I was disturbed to think that such overt bitter remarks were being made by young people – many of whom weren’t even born when we sank into an abyss of bloody violence.

And then I heard an interview with the Rev. Harold Good, a sincere and decent advocate of reconciliation who said that sectarianism was like a pandemic; once it gets into our system, it takes a long time to work it out.

“We blame the young people,” he said. “Now, where did they learn all of this? Come on! We are reaping what we have sown.”

The Rev. Good hits the nail on the head, because sectarianism runs deep; its malignant, cancerous tentacles creep insidiously into society’s bowels and, sad to say, haven’t been rooted out.

The symptoms and effects are there for all to see, worryingly so over the summer. And it’s not confined to one community.

Bonfires in both communities are in themselves legitimate expressions of culture, if done respectfully and safely, but those in Derry with images of The Queen and poppies being burned are a mirror image of those in Loyalist areas, with pictures of Nationalist politicians and slogans of KAT (kill all taigs). 

A display of UVF and Para flags in the city where the Parachute regiment shot dead unarmed civilians is as crass as chanting “Up the ’Ra” in a country where so many suffered death and injury as the result of the Republican campaign.

These are not expressions of culture, but all about “sticking it up to the other side”.

And, sadly, there are plenty of people jumping at the chance to go on all-too-willing sections of the media to stir the pot further, all for their own narrow agenda, and often because they simply don’t want to have a respectful, shared relationship with “themuns”.

There seems to be an acceptance that, despite all the bitterness around, there is no appetite in any community to go back to the violence of the past.

And I tend to agree with that; but we’re playing with fire, it’s a dangerous game if we allow sectarian attitudes to fester and grow, particularly in the younger generation.

We are constantly reminded on social media of many of the horrors of the past, a past based on the fact that two ‘tribes’ couldn’t recognise the legitimacy of the other’s identity, and share a space.

Often these recollections of how people suffered and died can spill over into narratives which are more about re-running blame.

But reminders of the deadly violent consequence of failing to live with the other community are necessary.

Our greatest motivation should be to ensure we never again go back to those dark days.

Dylan Quinn from Enniskillen tweeted this week that: “A post-conflict society is like an old fire. You not only need to put out the flames, you also need to remove the fuel and deal with the original cause. We have not done so.”

How true. And it begs the question of how we minimise sectarianism in our society. The Rev. Good says there is no quick fix, and the onus is on all of us.

A friend of mine who encourages open and honest discussion between people of difference has a saying, “To disagree well, we must understand well.”

This ignorance of what makes the other tick is at the heart of much of our problem.

We need to get away from the politics of fear which are used by those who cynically use ignorance to suggest that the other side gets everything – or, worse, that they’re out to destroy us.

We need to integrate society better so that people have human connections, so that we get to know each other, whether in schools, social housing, sport, or all sorts of other walks of life.

We should, too, I believe, remember that the much of this type of thing is already happening and, indeed, remember that while “the squeaky wheel of sectarianism gets the oil” of attention, the vast majority of us do get on well.

Most of us don’t care what church you go to, or more likely, which church you were born into.

It’s your own business if you don’t go, or don’t go at all, and your own business what your beliefs are outside of religion, which sport you play or follow, what your sexuality is, what the colour of your skin is, what your cultural identity is.

Last week in the column I wrote about the need for everyone to get involved in a positive way about respectful conversations about the future of this country.

The response on Twitter was interesting, where I was called a few things, from a clown to a useful idiot being used by Republicans.

Usually from those who don’t put their name to such comments, of course.

It’s not easy sometimes, being positive in this country, but the fact is the overwhelming response to the column was good. And anyway, we have to be courageous and positive in speaking for a better future.

There’s a story which many people will have heard often, but in this context it’s worth repeating. 

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.

“A battle is going on inside all of us,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it’s between two wolves. One is evil, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

“The other is good, joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

“This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

The boy thought about it for a minute, and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”The old Cherokee simply replied: “The one you feed.”

Sectarianism must not win, so don’t feed it. It won’t just go away, and we must never tire fighting it.