‘If the Lord took me in the morning, it wouldn’t be a tragic death’

The Rector of St. Gabriel’s Retreat in the Graan, Enniskillen, has a philosophical view of his illness believing he has reached the end of his life and therefore “if the Lord took me tomorrow morning it wouldn’t be a tragic death”.

In a frank interview with The Impartial Reporter, the 69-year-old talked openly about his battle with cancer; how the disease is being taken care of and how he is getting on with it despite admitting he is having to deal with it on his own.

“Of course, it would nice to say you have somebody, but the other side of it is that I am not tearing the heart out of somebody. I often see the pain that loved ones go through watching their spouse or child dying, at least I am not causing that to anybody,” he said.

Doctors discovered that Fr. D’Arcy had cancer during a routine check-up at the start of this year.

“I had been assured there was no cancer there, it was quite a surprise as there were no signs of it. I did get a prostate operation and it was only in the post-operative analysis that they discovered that there was a form of aggressive cancer there. That was a bit of a shock.

“It is being looked after, cared for. It is not invasive, there is treatment. I have no idea where it is going to go, hopefully it won’t go anywhere. I am just doing what the doctors are telling me. It is the second cancer thing I have had, there was a case four or five years ago, and that makes it a bit more difficult because there is a proneness to it,” he said.

Between hospital visits, home visits, taking mass, not to mention a hectic broadcasting career, Fr. D’Arcy says he is still working up to 16 hours a day.

“I now get waves of almost uncontrollable tiredness, maybe twice a day, which it is very unusual for me. I get to an almost collapsed state. If I am driving I pull over and let it pass.

“I am not denying I have it [cancer] and that’s the beauty of the tiredness because it does remind you that it is there. The tiredness is the body saying; ‘Hey Brian, stop for a wee minute and give me a chance’,” he said.

“I would like to keep broadcasting and communicating as far as I can possibly can. Even though it is desperately hard work at the same time it is a voice that a lot of people maybe hate or like, but a voice that is making people think about their lives.

“I can’t do all the stuff I have been doing, I am going to have to in the very near future go into what will be for me a semi-retirement which will be a 12-hour day,” he said.

Fr. D’Arcy repeatedly spoke of his “unease” at discussing his illness, preferring to reference the many people in Fermanagh who are suffering from it, too.

“I feel very uneasy talking about it, not because I am denying it but I know that there is much worse than me. I am not important. Even if I had a serious case of cancer and was dying, sure what odds; I am at the end of my life. If you have young mothers, young fathers, that’s a different thing altogether. You would willingly swap places with those people, allow them to spend time with their family, and me, who has lived, move on somewhere else,” he said.

When it was put to him that he was just as important as a young mother with cancer, or a young father, he replied: “Oh, no, I am not. No, I am not. Not at all. There is a country song called ‘I am too old to die young’. That is it. I have lived a good life and if the Lord took me tomorrow morning it wouldn’t be a tragic death. I have lived a fair life; lived longer than my father, lived longer than my mother, by a long shot. My mother died in her early fifties; my father died in his 70th year. My brother died when he was 70, and I will be 70 next year, so that’s the way it is.” Not long after he was diagnosed with cancer, Fr. D’Arcy appeared in ‘Fermanagh is Happy’, a music video by The Impartial Reporter featuring local people smiling, dancing and having fun, perhaps an indication of his fighting spirit.

“That video was post-diagnosis. When I was doing that video I knew very well that I had cancer,” he said, adding: “You know, when you reflect it is on the past life that you can’t change, and you have to leave that with God. The future life you don’t know if you have one. So you try to make the best of the present.” The priest says he has been reflecting a lot recently following a difficult few years, and now he finds himself thinking more about life.

“I have had five or six years of pretty much hell because I felt such a failure and such a reject in the church. A failure because of what had gone on in the church that you had given your life to and not just that but the practically all of the churches. There was hardly room for Christ in any church and that was a big disappointment,” he said, explaining his view that the model of churches “is built for another era”.

“We haven’t found one to communicate with the present era and that’s our job; to keep the faith alive so that in time the church will evolve to help people better than it is,” he said.

Fr. D’Arcy also recalled how he had been censored by the Vatican in 2010 after it claimed that his writings and broadcasts were “a source of great scandal to the faithful”.

“The reject from Rome was really difficult to take. I don’t think anyone understands what it is to be suspected of being a heretic when you have given your entire life to preaching the good news of the gospel. It is upsetting, devastating, but Pope Francis is singing of the same hymn sheets of all of those, not just me, who were regarded as heretics. That gives you a confidence that, you know, you weren’t wrong, you were doing right. That’s the peace I have,” he said.

The death of his brother Gabriel (Gaby) in 2011 also made the priest contemplate life.

“My brother’s death made me think an awful lot, which happened in the middle of the Vatican dispute and so therefore you stop to think and you say to yourself; it is coming near the end, what do you want to do? There is a whole lot of things that I want to do that I will not get to do,” he said.

By speaking so candidly about his cancer, Fr D’Arcy hopes it will encourage men of all ages in Fermanagh to get checked out, just like he did.

“There are a lot of men walking about this county who have got prostate cancer and they haven’t even got it tested. The important thing is you come to a certain age and you need to get checked regularly. That’s what I do, and I want other people to do it too. Make time for it. People say, ‘what you don’t know will do you no harm’. Actually, what you don’t know could kill you,” he said.

As well as undergoing cancer treatment, Fr. D’Arcy must now take 20 tablets a day; 15 in the morning, and five at night.

“I remember going to the hospital one time and there was an elderly lady who had six or seven tablets to take. She said to me: ‘Father, you know, I am puzzled. How do these tablets know where to go?’” he said, roaring with laughter, “Isn’t that a fair point?” As we concluded the interview, Fr. D’Arcy gave a reassuring smile - again - and said: “Look, I could spend my life wasting whatever few years, days, months, weeks, whatever is giving me worrying about it instead of living life. Please God I will live life for as long as the Lord allows me to do so.”