Bullying has ruined my chances of a good life

These are just a few of the bullying incidents that 22-year-old Sarah Flynn was exposed to during her school years.

It’s little wonder then that she has now opted to take up night classes at South West College, too afraid of the prospect of being in a classroom environment again with people her age.

“I wouldn’t be able to take it if it happened again,” she says, “Bullying has ruined my chances of a good life.” Diagnosed with Aspergers and autism, Sarah says she used to blame herself for the bullying she had to endure.

“They said I was handicapped,” she recalls, “I felt like maybe I had done something to deserve it all and I used to believe what they said about me. I wish to God I didn’t have Aspergers – I didn’t ask for it.” Her bullies were a mixture of boys and girls.

She remembers how she so desperately wanted to ‘fit in’ with her peers.

And how on one occasion one of them “stabbed me with a fork or knife”.

“They told me: ‘Now you can be a member of our gang’.

“It was like I had to pass some sort of test!”.

Sarah took the brave step to report many of her bullying experiences to a teacher.

“But when I reported anything I would always be called a ‘tout’,” she says, “They would get detention, or be told to write lines, or be suspended. But I would always be told I was a tout for getting them into trouble.” Sarah explains that for a long time she would eat her lunch in the school toilets because she was so afraid of being picked on.

“My mum used to make me pasta for my lunch -- it was one of my favourites.

“But they would say it looked like ‘slugs and snails’. It made me feel very upset.

“So I started eating lunch in the bathroom. One day a teacher saw me in there told me to finish it off in the dining hall.

“She told me it wasn’t very hygienic. She never thought to ask me why I had chosen to eat in there.” Despite the occasions that she did report her bullies, Sarah says there were many other times she opted to say nothing at all.

“It felt like I was bullied every day, and I just wanted to be left alone.

“Some days were really awful. I would get home from school and I would just run up to my bedroom and cry.

“My mum found it hard too, but I would tell her not to go to the school any more because I would only be called a tout again and it would be worse.” On another occasion, she remembers being locked out of a classroom by her peers after their teacher had left the room momentarily.

“They pushed me on my chest and locked me out of the fire exit door.

“I walked round to the entrance of the school and the teacher had come back at that stage.

“They asked me where I was going.

“I couldn’t speak because I was so upset.” Sarah says her bullies have left a lasting impression.

“I keep thinking: ‘Are people still laughing at me?’.

“I’m constantly worried about what people think of me and it’s hard to make friends.

“I don’t know whether I can trust anyone – I just have my family.” In a message to her bullies now she says: “I always felt like I was alone. I’d just like to know why they did it.

“I sometimes get flashbacks to what happened back then. And in a message to anyone suffering at the hands of bullies now, she says: “Hold your head up high.

“It is not your fault they are bullying you. It is because they are weak -- there is something wrong with them, not you, and they feel they have to bully you to make themselves feel better.”